The Value of Running Experiments in your Life
Remember sitting in high school science and learning about the scientific method? Unless you were into science you may very well have thought, “That will never apply to me.” Little did you know that running experiments can be an incredibly valuable way to approach problems and challenges in our lives. One of the main benefits of the scientific approach is its ability to help us detach from our own experience enough to take on an observing role so we can see it with fresh eyes. Let's review some important qualities of running an experiment and some “how to’s.”
Qualities of an experiment:
An experiment is process driven not outcome driven. This means the success of an experiment is not determined by getting a particular outcome you had hoped for, the “right answer.” Rather, success is determined by whether we learned something from our observations.
When you run an experiment you have to be open to any outcome. While there is usually an outcome we would prefer, not achieving that outcome does not mean the experiment failed.
How to run an experiment:
Step 1: Establish your hypothesis: An educated guess about what will happen if an action is taken or not taken.
Step 2: Set your time frame for running the experiment.
Step 3: You, the observer, objectively gathers the data and then makes some conclusions.
Step 4: When identifying the results of an experiment, it is extremely valuable to precede whatever is observed with the statement, “isn’t this interesting…“. Sometimes this will result in, “Isn’t this interesting…nothing changed.” Or, “Isn’t this interesting things got worse.” Both of these outcomes could indicate a successful experiment. Keeping all observations “interesting’ has the powerful effect of replacing judgment with curiosity. Curiosity in turn promotes more possibilities for change.
Some examples of how the experimental approach was helpful in a coaching or counseling setting:
Case 1: Jane realizes she needs to exercise more to reduce stress and improve her health. Upon reflection she identified that she sabotaged her efforts by setting unrealistic goals which quickly demoralized her and shut her down. She worked with her coach to design some experiments that varied when and how she would exercise. After finding the results “interesting”, including the results that served as rule outs for what not to do, she arrived at a formula she could sustain. The experimental approach helped her move out of a state of stuckness and identify a more sustainable exercise goal.
Case 2. Bob and Joan are married, have 2 children and both work. They are having increased tension with miscommunications around scheduling and division of parenting and household tasks. They both agreed a planning time each week might help; but, it never goes any further than that. Finally, motivated by pain and frustration they decided to run an experiment of picking a 45 minute time slot each week when they would check in and sync their schedules and to do lists. The first week they learned Bob forgot; the second week they both remembered and learned their time slot was one when they were both tired and crabby. They experimented further and found a weekend morning was the best solution.
They knew what they needed but hadn’t been able to move in that direction. The experimental approach gave them some agency which moved them towards a solution.
Case 3. Jim was working long hours and his job was particularly stressful. He noticed a pattern of re-entering the family space after a long day and being irritated, crabby and openly critical of his wife and children about the disarray in the home. It left everyone on edge and he clearly saw how he was making things worse. He knew he had to change but so far just knowing this was not working. He worked with his coach to design an experiment whereby he tried various strategies of re-entry into his family space. First, he tried coming home early and interestingly found it didn’t make a difference. He then tried sitting in his car for 5 minutes where he set his intentions to be kind and positive. Spurred on by how well this went, he experimented with a goal he created to have his first interaction with each family member be a positive or affirming one. Once he found something that made a positive difference Jim was able to engage his imagination and improve on the new behavior to create an even bigger result.
Case 4. Kimberly was aware the way she approached her husband with a request was definitely putting him on the defensive. She worked with her relationship coach and realized her requests usually had a demanding or “put down” quality to them. They developed some experiments in which she used softer language and introduced the request with “it would really help me if…” After 2 weeks she observed how the change she made with language significantly improved her husband’s willingness to listen and engage with her around her request. The success of the experiment helped Kimberly access her husband's willingness to help that she had been shutting down with her approach. She in turn felt more hopeful and positive about the relationship.
Final Thoughts:
25 years ago I attended a Gestalt training and learned the value of the experimental approach for change. Over the last 40 years of being a therapist and coach, it is one of the most empowering and effective tools I have had for my clients and myself. As I have observed it work time and again to bring about real change I have come to three conclusions:
Running an experiment puts you in an observer mode which automatically creates detachment and in turn reduces the emotional anguish that can often come with fixed negative thoughts. By using the experimental approach, some of life’s challenges can be made to feel more like a problem that can be solved and less like an insurmountable obstacle.
Running an experiment helps one break out of a state of inertia. When you design an experiment you have already started to move by setting an intention. Remember, energy follows intent.
Running an experiment tends to give one a greater sense of agency and empowerment in their own growth and development.
I hope this has piqued your interest in how you can frame areas of your life you want to improve and change as places to run some experiments with and for yourself. If you are having difficulties making this work, you could run the experiment of trying a coach or therapist for a fixed amount of time and observe whether it helps.
Tom Schemper, Ph.D.